Another successful year at Tooting Grammar School, with a refurbishment of the facilities that the School governor, Mary, approved, and was managed very well by the caretaker, Asif, even though some of the old equipment (English pool table) was somehow left behind and interferes with the pupil’s studies. Despite this, the boys have all really enjoyed the new facilities and have already shown marked improvements since the refurb.
Ciprian “Spin King” Dandu:
Cip has had an excellent year, despite not being allowed out to practice as much as he’d like. He’d started the year feeling quite sorry for himself, but knuckled down to play some excellent pool. However, his lack of practice has meant he has been a little inconsistent, and as he is renowned for being a perfectionist, comes into class either ending the day top of the class, or somewhere near the bottom.
Cip has also been moved to the back of the class, as it was discovered he needed glasses, so doesn’t need to sit so close to the whiteboard anymore. Since his move to the back of the class, Cip’s form has improved and is starting to terrorise most of the other boys in class.
Cip tends to sit at the back of the class and bark orders at other students when they don’t do as they are told, and still has a tendency to shout loudly when his classmates are late.
Andrew Phan:
Andrew continues to excel in media studies, especially with streaming live events, with action replays and improved graphics. His career officer continues to push him towards a career in video-making, although Andrew’s suggestion of adult themes is not recommended.
Andrew has also shown huge improvements in his general studies, rising from being near bottom of the class last year, to the upper quarter. Still has a tendency to rush around and answer questions before they are asked, and is also found to be using the wrong equipment during PE lessons, especially using a jump cue instead of his normal playing cue.
Andrew, as deputy head boy, has shown good skills in maintaining discipline amongst his classmates, but has occasionally gotten into arguments with other boys, especially over time-keeping.
Andy “Banks” Curzon:
Andy continues to have exceptional enthusiasm for school, especially homework where he is found to be repeating exercises over and over again. Is still running in the corridors, but a little less than last year. Tends to go from one extreme to the other, as he can be found sitting cross-legged in the classroom, with his eyes closed, waiting for his turn. It’s an improvement in any case and it is hoped it continues into next year.
Andy’s overall performances continue to be inconsistent, but has pulled off some superlative performances at times, showing that he has all the ability to get to somewhere near the top of the class. Andy’s absence record has been exceptional, missing no classes at all throughout the year.
Ramesh “Ramma Jamma” Gokhul:
Ram continues to be a model pupil at Tooting Grammar, and broke the school record for a winning streak with an unprecedented 30 wins. Due to his model behaviour, is occasionally picked on his height, but continues to do his talking with his results.
This year, Ram has benefitted from new equipment that was provided to him by our sister school in Japan (Hayakawa Koubu), although it would be good if Ram stopped skipping the Japanese language classes if he is to maintain a long relationship with our sister school.
Ram enjoys his school exchange visits, and notably has had very positive experiences in the US, Japan, and Korea. On his return from the Far East, after being bullied by a young girl in Korea, Ram was spurred him on to regain his place at the top of the class, despite being overtaken for one week by Rod Altes.
Rod “the God” Altes:
Rod certainly has had an interesting year, as he massively underperformed in Easter term, losing to a number of boys who seemed to destroy his confidence for a while. Having said that, Rod worked very hard to regain his confidence, work hard to maintain his number 2 spot, and took advantage of every opportunity when his arch-rival, Ram, was away visiting other schools.
It was really pleasing to see Rod actually surpass Ram whilst Ram was in the Far East, but the short-lived top ranking was only for one week, but will give Rod plenty of confidence going into the New Year.
Rod continues to have plenty to say, especially during lunch breaks, and occasionally gets into long-winded debates with Andy Curzon. Rod’s housemaster did ask Rod to stop provoking reactions out of Andy, and Rod responded very well. The school counsellor has also advised that Rod seeks Apple Juice Anonymous, as appears to have increased his consumption of Apple Juice throughout the year, leading him to slur his words.
Muhammed “He’s the Greatest” Ali:
Another one of the school’s most committed students but has struggled to meet the high standards he had set himself last year. The school is delighted to see that he has finally changed his equipment to a more orthodox cue, and whilst it has taken him time to get used to it, we are confident that it will translate into a very positive 2024 for Muhammed.
Spencer “Afrotastic” Oliver:
With a better attendance than last year, Spencer finished the year in 3rd place, a notable achievement as he had ended last year on 5.956 but gained the highest number of ranking points by rising to 8.272. A remarkable achievement, and demonstrates that he deserved to qualify for a scholarship.
Spencer has also been instrumental with Sean Avery, in running Wednesday night detentions for the naughty kids. Spencer has, though, to move to the back of the class, as his large hairstyle tends to block some of the smaller kids’ views who sit behind him.
Tashunka “Hee Haw” Schultz:
Tash absence record after summer has been quite high, but performed very well throughout most of the year, despite walking out of school in a huff one day claiming to never return. As always, is exceptionally loud, but remains a very popular member of the class. Finished in 4th place this year, after being beaten to 3rd place by Spencer.
It’s also good to see that Tash excelling in extra-curricular activities, where his carpentry skills will be leading to supporting other students with cue tips.
Gabriel “Fake Taxi” Vasilache:
Despite his quiet demeanour, continues to demonstrate that he is one of the strongest class members. Rumours are that Gabriel has been occasionally absent from class due to starring in an adult soap opera, where he plays a taxi driver whose customers are unable to afford their fare.
Gabriel continues to perform strongly in class, ending the year in 5th place, and still continues to intimidate other classmates with his hard stare.
Sunny “Boy” Garib:
Despite joining the school right at the end of last year, had progressed through the ranks very quickly over the first half of the year. However, Sunny was found to be quite unhappy in Tooting due to the old equipment that was being used and decided to remain absent until the school underwent a refurbishment. After the refurb, Sunny did return to class and is likely to be a strong contender in 2024.
So Shaw:
Despite his notoriety, So has been transferred from Feltham Young Offender’s Prison to Tooting Grammar due to his exceptional ability. Only joined in September, is exceptionally naughty during lessons, distracts other students, and has found to be playing truant.
So also frequently requests toilet breaks, disappearing far too often, and returning to actually increase his distractions to other students with his non-stop talking and demands to “gamble, gamble”.
Saman Gholami:
Saman has an exceptional attendance record and performed very solidly this year. His ability shows that he will generally beat anyone at or below his level, but has yet to step up and win against some of the scholarship students.
Has a tendency to look overly sad when he loses, but his results this year have demonstrated that he is making plenty of improvements after a poor year in 2022. Saman is particularly strong during after-school practice, and has been known to play as well as any of the scholarship students. Great things are predicted for Saman in 2024 as he continues to make improvements, but must do more to perform against boys who are ranked higher than him.
Ranj “Lucky” Sarraj:
Ranj is another student boasts an excellent attendance record. However, he does likes to talk and distract other students during class, is easily distracted, and shouts obscenities out of frustration. Has done a lot to improve his behaviour, though, and remains a popular member of the class. In terms of performances, Ranj has really knuckled down since the end of summer, and performed far more consistently.
Dan “Turnip” Jenkins:
After transferring to Tooting Grammar at the end of last year, Jenkins showed a lot of promise by starting this year very strongly. However, his negativity, and constant muttering to himself saw his performances drop off. However, he recently buddied up with head boy, Ramesh, and started to display far improved performances of late and 2024 should see a much improved year for him.
Martinho Correia:
The oldest student in the school, who shows phenomenal appetite during his studies. He excels during geometry classes, with his excellent knowledge of angles. However, has a tendency to lose concentration at crucial times against some of the scholarship students.
Martinho has also been moved to the front of the class, as he is struggling to see the whiteboard on occasions.
Sean “Scarf” Avery:
Sean is an underperforming student who could and should be performing better, but is easily distracted, has let his standards slip and has been told to get his head down and demonstrate his true worth in 2024.
Sean remains a very popular student, likes to boast about his amazing coffee, and is always happy to help the janitor with small tasks around the place.
Ervin “Vini” Demiraj:
Despite finishing bottom of the class, Ervin shows a very positive attitude in class and has occasionally pulled out some monster performances. Ever since the refurb, Ervin has good improvements in his potting skills, and has a 3 wins out of 9 record since the beginning of November. Much improved and his positive attitude rubs off on other students.
Arjon “the Beard” Hasi:
Arjon is an old boy who returned to Tooting in April after moving away from the area in 2022. Arjon has a very lazy style, but immense ability as he frequently beats scholarship students, but also has the ability to lose to almost anyone too. It is hoped that he maintains his high standards in 2024, as we have very high hopes for him.
It is always nice to see that Arjon never stops smiling and has a fantastically positive attitude in class.
Hassan Mehedi:
Hassan is frequently found at the back of the group when running laps, as he is the slowest student in class. He is certainly a “ponderer” but his precision skills tend to lead to good results, but is still yet to beat the scholars with any regularity.
It is good to see that Hassan continues to provide advice to other students, even when it isn’t wanted.
Glen “the Hitman” Hargreaves:
Despite being absent for much of the year with a bad back, has had a poor year, with occasional glimpses of his true ability. Is another student who likes to mutter negativity to himself, is impatient, and this has not translated into good results. However, with his recovery now complete, 2024 should see a very positive year for Glen.
Glen has also been asked to take extra elocution lessons for his extra-curricular activity, as other students have struggled to understand him.
Danny “Tsunami” Navidi:
A new student to Tooting Grammar School, but quickly settled in with the rest of the class, and has even formed his own clique with other new boys, Alan and Obi Wan Kenobi, as they are frequently seen hanging around the playground together.
Danny has the ability to pot any ball on the table, but seems to have been heavily influenced by Andy Curzon with his reckless style. Danny is also another student who, despite looking quite slow, actually runs in the corridors almost causing accidents.
Ciaran Boylan:
Despite a reduced attendance this year, Ciaran showed an exceptional record in the first half of the year. However, since summer, has been neglecting his studies and his performances have shown. The school had very high hopes for him as he was threatening to achieve the largest improvement award, so it was really disappointing to see him tail off.
Ciaran has a tendency to use his size and friendly smile to a highly intimidating level as he slowly squeezes the life out of his opponents.
Doug “the Shark” Clark:
Another year of poor attendance, which prevents Doug from reaching elite status within the class. However, is well-respected by other students as he can be highly threatening when he puts his mind to it. Still not taking losing particularly well, and tends to sulk for a while after losses, which somehow amuses some of his peers such is his inability to hide his emotions.
Krishen “Kris” Sookhraz:
Rather an unorthodox student who appears to have laser-guided eyesight, and possesses exceptional potting skills, even though his control of the cue ball tends to be wayward. Constantly underestimated by the rest of the class, has performed very well on occasions, although some students have mistaken him for Ramesh, which may explain some of the results.
Marius Dandu:
Quite literally the most enigmatic student. Has incredible ability, can beat scholarship students quite easily, and with consistency would likely earn himself a scholarship. However, he becomes easily frustrated and gives up too easily when things aren’t going his way. Regardless, has shown considerable improvements from last year, but is expected to keep up his improvements into 2024. Teachers have also commented on his use of language, which tends to be "colourful".
